I’ve shared some stunning truths thus far, but today…today we look into the deepest of the Pitch Wars behind the scenes secrets. I’ve talked about cliques. I’ve talked about bands of romance writing assassins. But today I want to talk to you about something else. Because seriously, how long can a guy beat the same romance jokes into the ground? Uh…I mean…because there is a bigger subject to expose (Yes, I know, Brighton, That’s What She Said.)
So here you go. Brenda Drake is a super-villain plotting world domination.
Okay, fine. She doesn’t actually look like Loki. But you try to find a GIF on world domination that doesn’t include Pinky and the Brain. That’s not the point. The point? Brenda = Super Villain.
Sure, she seems lovely and sweet, and her books are great. Sure, her contests have helped hundreds of writers connect with their agents. But at what price?
Look, I know that this is a shock to you. You’re going to want proof. That’s why I’m here to bring the facts, and give you a potentially true account of some of the horrors. A while back, one of the mentors died on the job in a tragic editing accident. To avoid paying workman’s comp, Brenda pretended it didn’t happen. She replaced the mentor with a life-like robot, then continued on like nothing happened. That’s right. She replaced Kelly Siskind with a robot. A sarcastic, pajama-bottom-wearing, sex-scene-writing robot.
But don’t take my word for it. You can check out the evidence yourself. Just look at this, Kelly’s recently released and highly regarded book. Now tell me that isn’t the work of a romantic comedy writing super-robot.
Hey…wait a minute. You did that whole bit as a clever set up to try to trick us into buying Kelly’s book!
Did I? I don’t think so.
You totally did.
Hey, the evidence for robots taking over the world is there. Trust me, I’m a science fiction writer. And hey, if you don’t trust me, trust the woman who wrote the book on it. No, really…Pitch Wars mentor Hayley Stone wrote a book about robots taking over the world. You can check out her recently released masterpiece here.
Hey! You did it again! This whole post is a scam designed to get us to buy Pitch Wars mentor books!
Huh. That would be devious. You know who is devious? Super Villains. Like Brenda Drake. Here’s another example. Brenda is known for adding surprises to Pitch Wars, right? In fact, rumor is that she has a surprise planned for the live mentor broadcast on the 24th. Well I’ve seen the surprise, and I’m here to spoil it. You know what the ‘big surprise is?’
That’s right. Bees. But hey, go ahead and tune in from 7PM to 9PM Eastern, August 24th if you don’t believe me.
I realize the risk I run by posting this. You don’t shine a light on a Super Villain without consequences. But I’m sure that a well-behaved robot will be back to take my place.
*Nope. Still not remotely true. You might have caught that from the whole robot part. But just in case there was any question.